Crisis of Faith
Finished "God is not Great" on the train this morning, convinced myself (with the pathetic warm glow of someone who things they're being really rebellious when no-one actually gives a shit) that I was getting evil stares from all the religious nutnuts sitting near me...
I am genuinely wondering if I should give up Christmas....? I understand that it is no longer really a faith based event for most people in the UK but, if anything, it has become something worse ... an act of worship to the god of consumerism. It also happens to be a nice break in the heart of the dark midwinter and an opportunity to connect with your family (love 'em or loath 'em it's nearly always the right thing to do). But maybe next Christmas I'll strip it back to it's pagan basics, abandon the giving and recieving of gifts, offer a small sacrifice maybe of time or money, and, for once, do the right thing by my conscience...
I've offered to send my copy of "God is not Great" to an old friend (with whom I've lost contact over things said and done, or more accurately not said and not done) because it reminded me of a conversation we once had where I realised that we shared exactly the same views and pecularities on this very subject, and I rather enjoyed that fleeting connection. It didn't prove a very special connection I soon discovered, and I question (rather gloomily) if they'll even reply to my offer. At times like this I wonder how I reached this place where I feel so HUNGRY (capitals very much on purpose) for an intellectual and spiritual connection with people. If that sounds dreamy bullshit, then so be it, but I don't know how long I can trudge through this life without meeting a soul (my few lovely friends excepted of course) who even begin to understand how much I want to know and feel and learn and wonder and not find that thirst weird, uppity or desperate. I remember going to a small gig with an ex many years ago, and getting completely caught up in the music, and dancing and enjoying myself. He said how much he liked me when I let myself be myself. I went on, being young and rather cold, to treat him in a pretty unforgiveable manner. But however much that was not destined to be, I will never forget how much those words meant to be, and how much I would like that to be true again.
I am genuinely wondering if I should give up Christmas....? I understand that it is no longer really a faith based event for most people in the UK but, if anything, it has become something worse ... an act of worship to the god of consumerism. It also happens to be a nice break in the heart of the dark midwinter and an opportunity to connect with your family (love 'em or loath 'em it's nearly always the right thing to do). But maybe next Christmas I'll strip it back to it's pagan basics, abandon the giving and recieving of gifts, offer a small sacrifice maybe of time or money, and, for once, do the right thing by my conscience...
I've offered to send my copy of "God is not Great" to an old friend (with whom I've lost contact over things said and done, or more accurately not said and not done) because it reminded me of a conversation we once had where I realised that we shared exactly the same views and pecularities on this very subject, and I rather enjoyed that fleeting connection. It didn't prove a very special connection I soon discovered, and I question (rather gloomily) if they'll even reply to my offer. At times like this I wonder how I reached this place where I feel so HUNGRY (capitals very much on purpose) for an intellectual and spiritual connection with people. If that sounds dreamy bullshit, then so be it, but I don't know how long I can trudge through this life without meeting a soul (my few lovely friends excepted of course) who even begin to understand how much I want to know and feel and learn and wonder and not find that thirst weird, uppity or desperate. I remember going to a small gig with an ex many years ago, and getting completely caught up in the music, and dancing and enjoying myself. He said how much he liked me when I let myself be myself. I went on, being young and rather cold, to treat him in a pretty unforgiveable manner. But however much that was not destined to be, I will never forget how much those words meant to be, and how much I would like that to be true again.
posted by TheMightyDing at 17:57
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